Solitude

2011-01-24T22:07:00.004+05:30

The pleasurable anonymity felt across the rhythmic ecstasies by Allah Rakha & Zakir Hussain. Drowning in it with vague and obscure mind. As if you want to escape but loving its redolent remanence... slowly and disdainfully re-leaving/revealing the heart. The enchanting trance gyrating around you. Bowing in front of amazingly undefinable voice of Pandit Bhimsen Joshi. Now his voice will spread peace in heaven.

2011-01-20T00:31:00.002+05:30

mermaids in my dreams, merrily diving away
mermaids in my dreams, madly swimming away
mermaids in my dreams, mostly wondering why...
well, the merriness merrily fading away,
the merriness momentarily masking...
the mad dreams of mermaids.

2011-01-07T00:06:00.003+05:30

It was cheesy. The myriad of confusion to the society. The congeries of emotional licking. Its not about what happened, its all about why happened. what, is so obvious but not why. The incandescent awakening of sudden reality or indecent adulation of quick realization. People are not satisfied by the creamy layer, they edaciously dig for the mud and rust. Everyone has their own reasons. As some one said, your right may not be my wrong or vis versa. Back to the viscous circle, still trying to realize the requisite.

2010-11-11T03:18:00.005+05:30

I stumbled at one point. I realized at the next. slithering back to me, the earlier position. Why am i writing? Because I am expected to? Because I want to? Because I am forced to? None of above, Because I love to & Because I am more expressive while writing. Everyone need to let out their emotions, feelings in one way or another. Its not necessary that what you write is your life but its always necessary that it has you in it, in one way or another.. at least as a spectator. Hmm... mostly as a spectator. Reeling through the reels of life, these writings are just the tip of the iceberg. Alas, if I could show the submersed part. Yes, a shit load of happiness and inaccurately flowing river of sorrows.

2010-10-25T19:40:00.002+05:30

Do I have anything in my mind to write? Nopes.. nothing as of now. May be I have a lot of things inside me which I don't want to write. Believe me the endless sky has an end if there is a beginning for it. The beginning is where we start looking at it and the end hmm.. we feel like there is no end. Those white patches of clouds reminds me of reverberating proclamation of peace. And the fog, its just the reflection of those clouds. Why I am talking about peace? What is peace to me? Its just another word which is echoed around me, used uselessly because the more peace you want, the more harmful you become. Think about this. We stopped killing animals for food. All became vegetarian in the name of peace. Animals start reproducing and starts eating more and more vegetables, so there will be less vegetables for us to eat. We become hungry, we starts killing animals more voraciously. There goes the peace. So how can we define peace? Is it just about peace between one species, oh that should be human by the way because we think. Too much. ahh yeah its boring. So let me stop.

2010-10-21T15:49:00.003+05:30

hmmm... That meant a lot. The hmmm... Its been 1 year since I wrote something here. I was destitute of imagination/need/encouragement? Don't know. I believe I was just lazy. Blaming on all the reasons which I could make up. Oh by the way its a viscous circle. It can be but I don't think it is, am I right, can be... Way beyond these circles, its your choice to move out. But the choices have restrictions. The limitations of human abilities or the confinement the mind make for it self. I usually claim that I don't care if any one read my blog. I do realize at least at some point that, yeah I want some to read it and say its good or at least if they criticize. But that is not always the case though. Some one reading my blog makes me conscious. Don't know if that could make me hide the truth. Oh yes. Most of the time. So what make us stop from revealing the truth? Is it our conscious mind or just cowardliness. May be both.

2009-10-07T22:16:00.000+05:30

To the awry and incomplete propositions, he fights knowing that its for nothing. The enlightened slavery of this enigma which pounce upon him with acute itches which may open up a deep wound if scratched. He asked which way I should lead you. There was no reply. Silence prevailed paths. The decision is about the path not about him. Was it ever?

2009-09-06T00:49:00.000+05:30

My impromptu views promptly decayed by the unrealistic realities. Thousand dreams and thousand wishes, each ends in a tragic reality. Who made the mistake? the answer is always we. Everyone and everything else is just reasons. The sarcastic miseries of life playing anomalous tyranny on me. The dominance which cannot be pacified by the outcries of obsolete present. Framed by words, framed by emotions, framed by distance, the result is all the same. Pulling down the deep proportions of the past, the dilemma still remains. Its all the same, echoing through the heart. The author cried, hold me tight, hold me to heart. I am falling, catch me. Crucify me for the imminent mistakes, bury me for the misleading comments. I may not resurrect, I may not phoenixfied, but I may lay down in the memoirs as a hateful memory.

2009-08-06T22:31:00.000+05:30

9% or 8% which is more. chimay acting up fast. What should I say about it. "Peres Trappistes". Perhaps I wished things be true, perhaps I didn't. So the more you ingest or infect yourself, less the chances to escape. This is a story about my friend. He told me the story and he died. He gave me the consent to spit it out before everyone. Perhaps those who know him will understand. He believed or in his words, "I Hope". Hope was everything for him, his life, his career, his love, his dreams. He believed it was because of his hope, he survived all those years. So started betting on his hopes. He believed he was the chosen one, the one made to do things, the one made to have things. He was in a dream world of hopes, if he hope... he will get it. He was hope struck. When ever he talked to me, he used to tell me about a simple hope but a complex outcome. He never wanted anyone to know about it till the outcome. Since he hoped the outcome will be always in his favor, he never bothered about the negative outcome. So he always was adamant and want to surprise everyone. But he was hopeless this time. It struck him so badly that he forgot himself. He forgot what hope was. He forgot what he hoped for. Never mentioned, never noticed... he realized.. he was nothing.

2009-07-26T12:04:00.000+05:30

I failed....

2009-07-08T23:29:00.007+05:30

Everyone writes about love and compare it to their heart but no one bothers to say the other way. Here is something for my heart, which is my love.

Postulation, prayers for a dying heart...

Humbly I bow down before thee my beloved heart. The days are less, the hours are less. Oh my dying heart, you had a small life. 7 months like 7 years like 7 centuries, can you survive another battle. Injecting the rays of hopes whenever the heartbeats are low. Thy shall live for ever in my mind and soul. The memoirs of my heart, the impulse feeling, the low pressure moments, the bloodless battles, the shy full introverts, the paralyzing hardship. Thy arteries and ventricles commands the mind and soul. Why thee have to die, why thee have to go.

Be the snow white and resurrect the day I kiss you, enchant the soul and mind. Increase your beats, increase your pressure. Let the mind go inane, let the soul go insane. You are the one, the only one, the heart, the beat, the pulse. Break the soul, break the mind. escape from this eternal life. Thy bloody veins pinching the soul, thy scruples pulses hurting the mind. Let you rest in peace, let you resurrect from the blood. Don't let this hopeless hopes be remembered as heartless hopes. I am concerned about you my heart. Who will cremate you, who will bury you, who will give you the kernel of life. The sanctity of heaven, the analogue waves of thee is reluctant to reach my mind, my soul. Its the days of digital life. Send me a digital heart and be my digital pulse. Thy shall be my love, thy shall be me. Oh my heart, resurrect from the perish. You are the one, revoke the scars, revoke thee from the diminishing pressures, from the lowering pulses.

2009-07-02T23:13:00.001+05:30

The Añejo Blanco smell smearing inside. The visual effect of the vehement fever. The cocktail defining the conglomeration of sweetness. There is no hatred, there is no war, there are no lies... just love. It looks like a mountain in one of my photographs... far far away, neither revealing itself completely nor forbidding itself from being tasted. Ya yes the taste of bitter sweetness or sour bitterness. Brilliantly trying to hide the prominent ugliness of mind. I walked today with face towards the mystic sky.... drizzling down on to my face. Was it the tears of happiness or pain. I didn't look at the cross section, I didn't bother about the bright light of vehicles revealing my rabid face. Forcing myself to pray for something I hate most.

2009-06-07T01:03:00.000+05:30

Empty mind, empty heart, empty soul, empty me... leaving empty in memory of the emptiness...

2009-05-06T14:01:00.000+05:30

May be it is not the time yet. May be its high time. Its been on and off in my mind, bit by bit, byte by byte. thoroughly. The undefined deviance of life..

2009-04-20T21:05:00.006+05:30

Still it didn't rain. He was there always, all the time waiting for the downpour. The wind blowing with its chill piercing the thin layer of cotton, he thought its a prologue. Stopped half way in that lonely road and the uncertainty made him return and again walking through the same, he hoped it may rain. He was looking at the sky every now and then...Suddenly a drop of water fell on his cheeks, it started!!! Then nothing..was it from the sky or from his eyes, he wondered. The phone rang, he eagerly checked as if it is a forecast of rain...an acquaintance eagerly asked "is it raining??".. mockingly, he smiled in vein and replied it may snow as there is no defrost. At every turn he was sure it will rain by the time he reaches the next and the next then again the next..Still it didn't rain.
The jokes of wind on the windows and the door made him rush outside, he was eager to engulf the smell of the rain. Hopelessly slithered by the parody, he hoped it may... Smiling through the night dreaming the white flower glazed by the drops, he hoped in the morning... His solitude became hornbills sat along with him waiting for the rain.. Still it didn't rain.

2009-03-18T18:06:00.004+05:30

It was a Sunday I was walking thinking of something or other towards the hotel. Hunger making protests on my slow walk and the thoughts further slowing me down. Contradiction everywhere and on everything. The moon was full and bright, hmm... might be a full moon day. Checking a Sunday with full moon, I might be able to identify the exact date. Oh no use, dates are all the same. I remember when I was in school, I used go for tuition.
Once a guy told "Today is a bad day".
Teacher asked " Do you believe in god"
"ya of course"
"Do you think everything is created by god?"
"ya yes"
"Since god created everything, he created days too, so all days are good right"
Ya true about non living things. I think humans are created by evil may be in between it creates some one good for a change.. :)
Saw regular dogs, getting ready for a furious night. A groups of puppies which suddenly appeared from nowhere from last few days hanging around their mothers breasts, 1,2...5. Five of them, wondering how many breasts a dog will have. The mother dog on all four, back legs spread to accommodate all 5 puppies. What will be its feeling while feeding? Sometimes it moves forward, the puppies run behind and fighting to get milk. They might be biting. Do they have teeth at this age? Do they have milk teeth like human. Moving ahead I saw another group of puppies, smaller ones. These are new one. Very small just sitting in front of a car without knowing what to do. Mother dog might have went to fill its stomach. Don't think these puppies started eating, may be just liquid food. May be some food given by the mother dog after making it soft by chewing. I wonder where these dogs are delivering the puppies. May be the said to be future park near my house. Enough space for all the dogs to deliver....

To be continued....

2009-03-18T14:16:00.003+05:30

Then I had nothing to ask for and now when I have everything, I have nothing to ask for.. History told me, its gonna go away, hope asked me to stick. Before my eyes surmounting the infinite hopes, I lay here with an anomalous wish. A wish leads to another and then to another. Blissful pleasures and baseless wishes. I am nowhere now. Unsettled mind asserting the hopes and the emotions surrounding me uncertain it. Bitter truth and biting emotions, untruly I am submitting. Unable to foresee the outcome, heart and mind terrified by the painful tremors. My smiling mask falling off every now and then. My sailing mind drowning along neither reaching the bottom nor the shores.

2009-02-28T23:46:00.001+05:30

The silence, skipping the painful phrases, it became normal. I got used to it now. The creepy sound of the adapter and the crappy sound of CPU fan. Increasing the rpm as my heartbeat increases. I preferred to think that I didn't see, some time I read it again and again just for the fun of pinching myself. Ha ha pinching... :). The bizarre mind.. lol I believe now it is pretty usual is int it. I don't feel like not to. I am lost or you are loosing me. I am not getting words. So? What is it for me? better avoid it.. Let me get lost in ever forgetting dreams and never remembering days. Now expecting the worst and hoping the best, hope.. ya still hoping. Now with a 100 years of Solitude... still more to come.

2009-01-01T10:23:00.001+05:30

Animated life, pretty much added to the meaningless absolutes. I am finding a stranger in me. Bestowed with unintentional wounds, I lay here with an emotional ecstasy. Something that brings smile, tears and anger alike. So how will I define all these. The sleepless silence sneaking in my dreams with languishing shades of abnormal mind. I created the abnormality, I fed it. Now its manipulating me. Cursing my laziness, cursing my attitude, cursing me, the stranger in me abuses. But I believe, its all gonna come back.. for good.

2008-12-03T01:05:00.000+05:30

Best I can think of and the best I can learn from. As far as I could see, think and learn, its not going anywhere. All these trivial enigmas will end up, it all runs back to me, pretty seriously. After all these days all these moments. I am no where. Still no where. My complains and my questions... its all vivid but the answers, mind gives an old caricature of myself. I am trying, at least I am acting that I am trying my best. How could I make my mind understand that its all for good when you know it is the best you are loosing..huh how you know about the future... Lost in the luscious dreams then dragged by the cloying loneliness, I am learning..still learning.

2008-11-26T09:48:00.005+05:30

The meaningless life and meaningful humans or is it the other way. huh... Claim the path and derive the reality from it. I am known to the world and I know the world. Its just me and myself everything else is maya. Aah now who is maya. Maya is the illusion or is it a mirage or a dream. No... its me, its all me. I decide, but the probable decision is affected by the society you live or the community you belong. The word anonymous is produced by the society. The fear of living in the said to be cultured society, a mask, a phantom. A vernacular description of ventriculite shapes, yes our mind is still running and routed to cretaceous time line.. you imagine the shape and society decides the size. Aaargh.. how pathetic. Seasonal drifts and subsisting minds. What else you need to live in a pitiful society. Anyway everything is maya so is the society. simbionic wars and bionic maya. Lol... I thought that is crazy I am crazy.

2008-10-21T00:21:00.002+05:30

Find me myself... who am I where am I..
Nothing to be remained and nothing to be renamed. I am the one who is the one and it is just me, the one. Finding myself does not lead to the conclusion that I am the one, but it leads to lot of confusion that why? am I not the one? More corrections and correlations to the life. More dividends and deviations. How will I find myself? To be more precise, what am I? I think it is rather easy to find the answer for what am I than to the question who am I? The problem with humans are they are too busy with lot of things and when some one asks these questions... they got an answer... "You are crazy..." or "please leave me alone..." let me live.... aaargh. My intention is not to manifest me on to the world, but to myself. Its not a proclamation to the fretful heart rather its a thoughtful understanding of exhilarated mind. Dipped in to the deep valley of incandescent worries of life... hmm i wonder if it is dark light which is emitted by these worries.

2008-09-14T01:27:00.003+05:30

Ideas flowing by means of indispensable blow of immaculate stupidity which in turn provide a deep and intense view of the pathetic mannerism of human deficiency between the cost and causeless which is nothing to the periodic anemic conditions, restless and truth less but strong to the core. Everyone is fugitive in their mind at least they become once they see evanescence of their dreams.

2008-04-07T22:55:00.003+05:30

Just thoughts

As silence creep in to my heart, I wonder for how long. The bus moves on. Looking through the window in to the darkness, the trees, the greenery, in between electric posts. Bus is moving fast as if it is trying to escape from the shadows of the trees. Here and there few houses. Bus moves on.. The crappy music which interrupts my thoughts whenever my w810i moves to next song. Bus moving through a small town, street lights and the darkness creating monstrous images in a row. I am not getting sleep. Pecking my fingers on this blackberry, trying to write down my thoughts. Bus stopped near a small hotel at road side. I had food before the journey started, was not feeling hungry. I got down and smell of omelet dragged me in to the hotel. "A double omelet" I ordered. Soon the hot omelet in front of me in a banana leaf. Hmmm... not bad, but not as tasty as the smell. Got back in to the bus and the journey resumed... I stared feeling sleepy. Closed the blackberry.. slipped in to the lap of goddess of sleep.

2008-03-08T22:14:00.005+05:30

My sublime arguments ends here. I don't deserver it anymore.. I dont belong to it anymore. I am cursing myself. Each time a heart broke, I reminded myself.. U will get a reward for this.. soon. Don't know where this will end. Go away from me, I the one who hurts. Before you feel the pain, before you feel empty, before you feel that you got used, go away from this painful melancholy or you will get absorbed to it. Let me fall back to my solitude..so no one get hurt.. just me. My mind filled with dark clouds, spitting thunders every now and then. Yes it hurts. alot. The more you try to console, the more it kindle the wounds. I am sorry, it was not intentional. hahaha... what an excuse.
I just wrote everything, everything around me, about me..truthfully. I may loose myself in it, may loose what I wished to be mine.. I know I will loose it one day then why not early that I can reduce the pain...may be, not mine.

2008-02-14T22:40:00.004+05:30

Ahh... that is me in the pic... dreaming....stil... dreaming. Trapped by the bewitching dreams, I fell pray for the unknown life. Once the dream ends, the reality hurts. Dreams doesnt have an end, nor does the pain of reality.
Terrified by the forbiden dreams, I may loose the sactification. Thy thoughts sanctified my dreams, thy dreams sanctified my solitude. Let me complete the palpitation. Let me close this chapter. I cannot withstand it any more, I cannot withstand u...rather say your dreams. The painful dreams of this joyful solitude... for how long. What else to dream, to remember, to forget.

2008-01-31T09:15:00.000+05:30

Got lot of things write, lot of things to remember, lot of memoirs to encrypt. My both hard disks are full. Mostly with p0rn and movies and yaa a huge collection of songs. Many of them I rarely listen. Need to clean up things. I tried kde and it sux, back to gnome again. Last one week I went for cricket practice, its paining here and there. hmm its almost 4 years. Done for now. Will add up something later.

2007-12-29T00:33:00.000+05:30

I wish this solitude be perpetual. It gives me an immense pleasure of being alone, being oneself, being everyone else. A state of loneliness where you can engulf yourself with dreams. Now hearing the "The Music of Love" by Pt. Hariprasad Chaurasia. Melting in the sweet hummings flowing out of the bansuri, mesmerized by its spell....................
Its all over now. Cant even think about it. I was laughing at myself. Good that it happened so early...everything over in a sec, the end of fragrance.....

2007-12-25T13:32:00.001+05:30

Another year, another one to forget, another one to remember. A lot of changes, new ways, new faces. It just went away, as few of them wished, it was a good one but a small one. The ending was perfect, even though with overwhelming solitude which I always loved or may be it is a beginning, a perfect one. Never believed in celebrations, never had one whenever I wished. I love this evening, I love this night, with a full moon adding to the cold. Few stars here and there wishing me, I believe. Darn I am not able to take a pic of it, too lazy to go up to the terrace in this cold. I want to love this, give me a reason to love. The bubbles hurrying up to escape, let me take another sip, let me kill the show. As usual another year blessed by dreams, a few unexpected and few exceptional. The fragrance is still around. May I take a dip in to it. May I engulf its soft sweetness for a few min. For how long? heh yet another dream. An attempt to be free, I wish this be real. A bitter happiness with a better sorrow. The fragrance just touched me with another wish. My year end always (as if I had many to remember aargh!) filled with wishes for someone else... ha ha How can I even compare. At least I am blessed with that. As usual it was as usual. The bubbles are still tempting me to write more. It is the same road, the one which I traveled all these years, come on you can make it. ha..where? Another fascinating year? Anything new is fascinating...alas let it be. It's over now, it's all over. Don't hope, just wish. aah... it's the end, another two sips, I am done. Few minutes to cross the border. Still the night is mine.. only mine. I am searching.. everywhere, still..another year, another one to forget, another one to remember.

aah... forgot the party pic.. ;-)

2007-12-23T17:48:00.000+05:30

My dreams, my wishes... me and my world. The never ending alternates. Fragrance on my hands still remains. It's making me crazy. I am not able to define the feeling. My olfactory nerves awaken by the mystic emanations trying to reach the core. I want to capture the whole essence before it leaves my hands. I am creating a world around it based on a solemn dream touched by this essence. I wish I had. Still trying to capture this effluence to its last molecule. I wish this remain forever, atleast the dainty odor. I am eagerly waiting for the next beautiful moment, the one which spreads this fragrance all over my hands.. again.. again... and again. My dreams, my wishes... me and my world.

2007-12-08T00:56:00.000+05:30

I still remember you, once in a while. There were days when I never had to remember since you were always there. Every now and then, everyday. Blame it on time. Blame me. Blame the realization that you never gonna be mine. Like an unfinished dream, you came, you touched my heart, you vanished. I never searched for you even though my mind always did. May be I am afraid to hear the truth, which I fear ruin the ending even though not a happy one.I still remember you, always when I wear the mask of sympathy, concreting the obvious torments and always when I feel I am alone. Your thoughts always spread a melancholy at heart, some time sweet otherwise dry. The same dryness which I felt when you left. I still remember you, your voice, your smile. I was innocent, I believe you were. You took me to a magical world, a world filled with dreams and happiness. I lost to you and atlast I lost you. Your words never obstinate me from the facts. Darn with the society, damn me. Believe me this is another monologue of heart, this time my hands were free, which usually busy wiping off the tears, copied the logs to this blog. This is for you my beloved, only for you because I still remember you.

2007-11-13T07:23:00.002+05:30

Another trip... we tried this one few weeks before which ended up in a bar since it was raining heavily. As usual on this Saturday everyone at Thallipoli room was busy loosing their consciousness with help of a case Budweiser.
By 1AM we had velipaadu. "Let us go to Kalavaarahalli Betta (Skanda Giri)", between Nandi hills and Chikaballapur. Got in to our luxurious vehicle.
Seeing lot of blogs on net we had a confusion about the route. But it was pretty straight route. Go to Chikaballapur after the second railway cross, a petrol bunk at left side, an Educational institute and right side you will see a temple on the left. Take a left turn, you can see a small statue on one side and other side the temple. Go straight then take a left turn. You can see police station on the right side. after that take a right turn and go straight. You will reach the Papagni mutt which is the base of the hill, where the trekking starts. We checked about the route with petrol bunk guys...(ya it is 24*7), another guy on the road side (what is he doing at road side at 2:30???... ya not as crazy as us :D ) and then the police guys... drunk???? may be the night shift ;-) But they promptly explained the route. We reached the the Basement at 4:00AM. There was enough parking space and gaurds (guides) too so dont have to worry about your vehicles. We had to hire a guide as it was dark and we didnt know where to go. Now there is a forest check where we had to sign with details of the guide. Even though it was cold outside, we started sweating soon. Stopped at 1 or 2 place. As per the guide it is almost 7 KM uphill. We reached at the top by 4:15PM. To our surprise there was around 150Guys who came last night, most of them sleeping. We were fully drenched with sweat. Soon we started shivering because of the cold wind and the wet cloths. Another surprise was some one was selling tea a omlet there.. (no, not a mallu ;-). Then another one and half hour of wait in the cold for sunrise. By 5:30AM things started getting visible. We could see a stretch of light which divides the dark and bright side. The pictures are uploaded here, here. Dont have the patience to upload it again here tooo. We took another route downhill. Reached the basement by 8 and then back to polluted city again, dead tired.

2007-10-31T00:46:00.001+05:30

Effervescence created by illuminated characters in dreams of a lazy asshole. Dreams wasted, in thirst of thy love. Unable to even fantasize the openness.. oh crap.. Saturday evening and I am hearing the crappy love songs, sitting at home :(... (Now Playing... "More than words" by Extreme). Time to go.....

2007-10-08T21:44:00.001+05:30

In thirst of a macabre dream, a sweet or a sensual one. Dreams lacking the content incessantly all the nights. These morbid fascination with antagonism of solitude and dream leads to an inhibition by the mind and heart partitioned from rest of the body but trying to entice using the whole body. I may not fall for the insane fascination towards the mocking dreams, alerting its presence with repeating blasphemy of unintentional desires trying to intimidate me. The more nearer one gets, the more difficult to send them away, the more bothered you will be unless you show a sordid carelessness which I lack at least at heart.

2007-10-04T22:44:00.001+05:30

Here I am, all alone.. ah sorry.. with my solitude, still vehemently denying the obvious truths oblivious to its painful ecstasies...
Let me start uploading some of the pics which gives a tinch(may be a bit more) of nostalgia each time I see them... some solemn, some sombre, some sweet.

The glory of bathing in the reflection of bottled spirits ;-). The smile on our faces shows everything. @ a Sainsbury super market, UK.

The dilemma... should we or which one? searching for something which we never had :P... I mean a new brand...

These pics got all the above qualities of a perfect nostalgia :P....

2007-09-20T00:18:00.002+05:30

it's been hell a long time.. I didnt write anything in last two months.. :( ubiquitously disoriented formulation of drastic melancholy which used to fuel my solitude is nowhere around. So no output here. Even though I got lot of pics to upload, nothing is happening.. may be soon...

2007-08-15T22:20:00.001+05:30

Everyone is selfish assholes. Pretending to be busy... the one bloody stupid, just don't realize the fucking reality. Your pretension leads to the reality that you are the reason. I see the bubbles in seeek of fresh air. I realize it.. Realization of being the one, ment to be the one. Its been pretty long.. I am loosing the loneliness... I don't have one now, can u plz borrow me.. heh. The discretion towards the inability, leads to an abnormal position. The culmination of pain evolved from the stupid imaginations, sticking its thorns deep inside. I hate to say that I love this. Penalized by the unsaid words, hurt by the imaginations.
All the above means "Fucking Shit"....

2007-07-24T23:37:00.001+05:30

I am finding a way to fight against my choler by pasting all the craps here. It is not requsite that others should think the same way you do. You might have thought in a strangely true direction and will be surprised by the way others react. When you dont expect yourself to give anything, dont expect anything.

2007-06-01T23:00:00.001+05:30

Its been almost 2 weeks. The city life started flushing away the memories even though there are lot of ever green memories of the trip.
we were 8 of us. Booked the TT (tempo traveller) and started our journey to wayanad on May 11th. Bottles were bought and stored, and slowly but steadly started drowing in it. We started around 11, most of us started the drinking spree before the journey started. I was late sadly ;-). We stopped in a road side daba

Then the no stop in between. After finishing the morning karmas we moved to muthanga wild life sangtuary. We wandered till the border of kerala - karnatak in the forest.

Saw an elephant pretty far away and then few deers.
Aanapindathinum kaavalo....

On the way back saw wild buffallo too. Kaattile pothine kaanan naattile pothugal :)

We then went straight to Mananthawadi were our guide was waiting, started climbing the uphill route towards the edakkal caves. It was bit tiring.
Edakkal Caves...

Edakkal caves is a famous prehistoric cave (as old as neolithic). There are lot of rock etchings on the cave. Guide explained us the meaning of few engravings.

The gang.. see the engraves on the cave walls..

A view from idakkal...

Then started our treking to see the meenmutti waterfalls. It was around 3 - 4 Kms deep inside the forest.

The route...

Atlast a nice waterfalls.

We left our inhibitions and jumbed (not really.. it was really slippery there) in to the water.

Good that it was summer else forget about bathing, will not be able to go near the falls even. It will be pretty difficult to reach there because of slippery rocks, forest and the leaches.

Paristhithi samrakshanam...our guide

Few hours under the falls and then back to mananthawadi. We had enough morumvellam on the way back to the main road.

Plantation...

Refilled the bags with bottles. We had already booked a house. The fun was that it was in the middle of a 60 Acre Tea Plantation, but the road was too bad. Then started the fire and began gulping energy drink. Then arguments, songs .....

The dinner was really tasty and dont know at what time we fell asleep.

I got up first and started calling everyone as we have to reach Mananthavaadi center at 8. We reached there by 9:30 :)... Picked up our guide. Saw the Chain and/of Karinthandan. Reached Lakkidi and few pics there.

I stiched 4 pics together. Should have taken with a tripod. Can see the shades and/of the wiped KSEB Lines.

On the way to Banasura Sagar Dam (Indias largest earth reservoir), stopped to see the pazhassi raja kudeeram. Went on a boat ride and few snaps.

Our last destination was Kuruva dweep (islands), a group of small small islands formed by the river. The place is covered by evergreen forest and now by lot of visitors. We found a place deep inside and started our swimming programmes. One of us almost drowned as few places was really deep. My camera memory finished so missed the pics. Will upload a few from others camera.

It is almost 7. Started our journey back. Had our dinner and remining gulps in a good hotel @ mananthavaadi. Was awake most of the time. Driver was pretty good. Reached back to the polluted home by 2.

2007-05-16T17:35:00.001+05:30

A deliberate attempt to hide the nudity or is he sympathetically/innocently offering his hand to give a support.

2007-04-16T16:17:00.001+05:30

if you fall, if u r lost, I will be there.... all the time. It was the first time I really felt bad. Dont know why, even though I can find lot of reasons, but nothing suits which overrule the way it reflected on my mind. May be my spasmodic disturbances in my mind. I've been inculcating the image of a true but imaginary, beautiful friendship. But the percepts got spurn by my amiable friend, who forced me to belief yes I am the best. Enchained by the fiery dreams, crushing the probable reality which I dreamt to be true. A debauchees dreamzzz... I need an explanation.. or it will burn always in my heart, if they can understand. I dont understand, why not now but then.
How can I deny it when some one shows...Pathetically managed mind...

2007-03-09T19:09:00.000+05:30

the sense, the beauty, the realization of self. The point when we realize that we are all alone, will be and should be, create a bloody fucking image of pathetic and poorly renovated ideas on our mind. Wasnt it bit harsh... ehehe.. night shifts are pretty cool, other than the fact that it is NIGHT shift... sudden change in shift is difficult to digest.. Not able to sleep during day and wont be able to sleep at night too. I want to get away.. Even though mind is not prone to the voluptuaries of life, it expect something above naught. It produced a fiery frustrated anger.. hahaha must have surprised..

2007-02-19T22:40:00.001+05:30

Kumaly trip atlast... Didnt get time to write about it. Was in a bit dilemma about few things in life even though the ways are clear. Even though we all know the date of marriage and decided to go for that, no one took any initiative until the last few days. I booked the traveller one day before and many of the assholes withdrew from the group and we were left with a group of 4 guys. I tried to pursade my old roomies but the last moment invitation was not enough to balance their calenders. Good that my friend got one of his room mate so we were 5 when we started the journey plus the driver. We had only one bottle of Bacardi when we started and we stopped in between and bought one more, few snacks and addons. There we started our pursuit. 2 of us slept very early and one more slept after some time. Me and other guy left with bottles... I took few snaps of the illuminations.. here they are..

We stopped in between for tea and coffe for the driver. I still remember my college trip to ooty from St: Thomas College and the stops on thattukadas, the pandi songs and dappa kuthu dance we did in front of the shop and the locals around was laughing... it was fun. Back to the trip.. Some police guy stopped the vehicle in between and we had to put a 200 in to his mouth for finding an almost empty bottle.. suckers... The other guy slept around 6, by the time both the bottles got finished and I slept around 6:30. Woke up again at 7:00 again few more snaps (to be uploaded).
We reached the relience pumb. Finished basic stuffs, even had a bath. Had dosa and again started. We stopped in between for drinking karikkin (coconut) water. Tooks few more snaps...

We reached kumali around 2:30. The bridegroom was waiting for us. Went the room booked for us. Pretty nice place especially for honeymoon ;-). Far away we can see dense forest. We went out again and tried for a ticket for thekkadi boat trip but failed. We decided to go to Ramakkalmedu. It was around 35 Km away. There is a statue of Kuravan and Kurathi.. snaps below..

Then went to this hill on foot. It was really a climb after a long time. I reached the top and it is pretty good view. Lot of guys were there ofcourse with bottles with them, fully drunk :)) as usual.. I took lot of snaps from there. Even took snaps by setting timer.

It was almost dark while coming back. We bought kappa and meat on the way back. Reached room, refreshed and dinner time with DSP black and kappa with meat. Sadly could not make much noise as there was lots of visitors staying around. Few slept early including me and other after finishing one bottle.

Go up early at 5:30 sadly few didnt. We reached the thekkadi boat ride ticket counter 5 min late and ticket finished again. Next boat is at 9. We returned back. Had food and went back. The boat ride started. As expected we didnt see any animals on the river bank. Took few snaps of the river and the forest. Few of the birds. Back again with a feeling of loosing the money.. hehehe.

Packed things and filled up the vehicle and went to the church and luckly the things at church almost finished. Now the important part.. foodings. Went to the hall, food was pretty good. Met the couples took few snaps. Again with other friends we met there. Few of them accoumpanied with us back to bangalore. So we were 8 while coming back.

Bought a case of beer. Started songs and cries. Stopped for dinner at a bar attached hotel ( better say the other way). Bloody place nothing was there.. we came out and went to another one. That was ok. Again drinks, food and back to the vehicle. Every slept.. reached bangalore at right time.. 5:30 . The strike starts at 6. Hit the sack. Slept like a log.

2007-02-14T23:42:00.001+05:30

12:02, godess of sleep... still not made an attempt to enter in to my eyes.. We love to try for ( hmm I doubt about that too) something that you are sure that you will not get. Even it seems so realistic you still feel that something will open up. I have been trying and wasting my time for it. Now I am feeling sleepy.. Good Night.. waste entries...

2007-02-07T20:13:00.002+05:30

its is a big gap.. I have no excuse (to whom?). My mind is being superfluous, instigating to pour creative sadness to my mind. Its another day..Even though my mind is provoking me to be irascible for things that is happening around me, I feel bit out of mood today. I love it but it is too much to handle. May be a transient feeling. I prefer to be away.... I started writing this few days back.. but didn't had a mood to write anything. Have few pics of Kumali trip. Will upload soon. Bit lazy...

2007-01-14T22:51:00.001+05:30

It is wonderful to be alone at house. You can walk around naked. I am not an exhibitionist or a naturist, rather I am a bit in to the shy side of once character. Not sure what I like most from being naked.. may be the circulation of air all over the body, freely.. Hmm free as in freedom. May be that is the thing I liked. You will feel a kind of freedom. No one to question you, no one to make fun of you. Just free... a feeling of freedom. Run around naked, Watching TV with out any thing to hide. Hearing the music u feel to hear, all when u r free.. totally free. Ya I used to make sure all the windows and doors are closed properly. It is not always so don't bother to check out when I am alone at home... hehehe May be once in a while when I am in a good mood to have fun ;-).. Don't expect me to add a pic for this entry :D

2007-01-10T09:26:00.001+05:30

bloody thoughts, the perishing soul, the morality and my heart. The bites of sharp teeth. Fucking truths and path to the hell. It spits blood when one say it. Everyone agrees to the point and when the fucking point comes up all hurts. Damn with the pointless arguments and its slithering movements, its touch attacking when things seems to be alright. Pathetic issues and inability to differentiate between the reality and laughable. The forgetfulness of this night. Being at a position that you ever want to re-read the same statement, more or less the same. Captured by the things that is hated more than u enjoy. I calls it back, I fucking calls it back. I don't really want it. Let me go back to myself. It is much more painful than it is now but I love it that way. At least none to be bothered about. It is me and me only. Come, fucking be obedient, my bloody mind. Go now, it is time for you to leave. From this atrocious, abominable breaths.

2007-01-07T12:13:00.002+05:30

I am missing my solitude or I am in a phase of unsolitudizing (desolitudizing?). The presence of a lovable soul around me, which is trying to push the imaginary but effective solitude to hide itself (at least for the time being). Not sure how long and ya Quid pro quo. The belief that draws an imaginary line between even though (if) heart started ignoring that. On one side when my heart gain strength to fight against the scrupulous soul, it's cautious that it may plunge in to even deeper illusion of solitude. It is a laughable.. "Useless creatures using each other". Even though pretty obvious, I have a feeling by instinct driven of course or may be the usual consciousness that it may hurt. Even though I know I will fall eventually to the feverish life, separated from my luring, free (free as in freedom ;-) ) days. The impudence of soul to my heart giving me the taste of un solitude. Hmm it is waiting...with ambush intentions. Even though I want to write lot of things here, I am not getting the correct mood. May be I need to travel back to myself. The day when I feel I am being controlled, it will be the day to take the ticket :)...

2006-12-27T01:35:00.001+05:30

Another year.. for me. Coming soon, another year for everyone. It was something to remember.. a sleepless one. Adding another year to the transient age. Rather than practically agreeing to the hateful things that happens I'd, I used to be more inclined towards the hating part. Thinking about that it is really funny. End of a joyful day. Few moments of helplessness.
Good Morning..went to see few friends even though I didn't see few of them whom I really had to. Bought DSP and few edibles. The journey towards the forgetfulness started at 4:00... Few surprising guests. Lot of talks, snaps, laughs ya English too.. Then bit of metal. In between they got the car and went to Purple Haze. Huge metal fans..Ramsteins, Linkinparks, Audioslaves and filths floating around. Ya bit of confused minds too... bla blaing along.. damn it is was nice weather inside. Few snap inside pouching the heads and butts of unknowns even though the intention was to focus on ours. Each drop of the brewer's delight sinking in to the acidic tummy making it hot rather than cold. At last out of the trance. There two assholes went to another direction, damn hit an old guy. It seems the car broke down with out realizing, in a timid timing he let out the stupid words that it was his fault. To the X-ray lab, anxious minds around, then to traffic station. Arguments, stupidity. Damn the girl who was the with the old man thought it was the guy who was in the other seat drew the car... he don't even know the shape of steering.. heheh lucky him.. a sleepless night in station, good that he was out of his mind.. at least half of him. Arguments till 4 in the morning...then to home, slept at 5:30 AM.. the cell rang again.. at 9:30... :( journey back to station.. called up few friends.. arguments, bribing, funny Christmas.... damn night shift, last thing u want after a sleepless night and a day.. :(.
The gang....

2006-12-23T17:08:00.001+05:30

Dilemma, to go or not. Was it purposefully created images, dangling in front of me like a inscrutable question mark. I am loosing the preferences. I don't know why I am putting myself in that position even though anything or nothing is of any relation to me. I am fed up of this stinking consciousness which smells every time my nihilist hormones tries to show its power. Let me try something different. I am waiting... This can be an end.

2006-12-22T17:18:00.001+05:30

I am suffering. It is a bit of sarcastic note. I have nothing else to write. It is repeating. Even though I am getting addicted to this pain, I hate the unanswered questions. why?.. but why? The abruptness of stories told by people creates a series of torments at heart. The shrinking promises and dwarfing ships. The scattered minds weary imaginations. hmmm... I know it is reasonable at least from their part. I am not bothered about the events but about the acting. It used to be always like that, dilapidating me, mashing the minds Vogue dreams..

-----Deleted----

Deleted few things because of copyright infringement. I am afraid they may sue me.. hehehe... May be a discourtesy. hmmm when u write something it is not necessary that others will see the same way u thought.. at last when I told the truth (not sure they believed it or not).. I don't have the content. I was happy to write that and sad that I had to delete it and I don't want to give a try to reproduce it because when it comes.. it comes from heart.. and when I reproduce it.. it becomes unnatural. I was bit relieved from my dog-eared dreams. Now again thrown back.

2006-12-20T00:09:00.000+05:30

the cryptic life of mine.. or may be I am keeping it that way. A crappy introverts dreams, where he realizes the need to be an extrovert. Atleast a dream or escapism from himself. A thrust, a pretence to find confluence to fullfill his minds orgasmic nature. Clomping memoirs where he realizes that what he lived is not what he needed. His extensive need to gain the things that he lost or those things that he never tried to get or what he saw in others, an exotic life where he is free to express his feelings, to open his mad mind, his heart to every one. But it is all dreams, an exhilarated life which is unspeakable. Sorry it is no discourtesy to his life but a trance of an agitated minds tedious puke which fumble its way towards the distorted heaven. But all this in a furtive but vogue beliefs which he aquinted from the society where he is forced to pretend that he is one of them. While other lounge their presence in the society he fumbles in between the mind and the society. Some time he flinches by the way others react but still keep the belief that he aquired from his tiring life. He is afraid of the people around him, a fear of social consciousness. May be his acts will cause a ludicrous effect on others. Ya it is just the fear of the dangerous abuse prevailed around him. He want to take an errand towards the mythical (for him) fruits of a sinisterous, fearless life. A deception to his own shackless life... may be lot of grammer mistakes. I am in no mood to correct it.. anyway it is all dreams... dreams are always grammer less with lot of spelling mistakes..

2006-12-19T00:34:00.000+05:30

The week, holydays (holyweek). Went home, the decision was quick to go for a one day trip. We 4 guys went in bike. A nice trip through the jungle and waterfalls. Lot of pics are there. It will be bulky if I paste them. Let me search thru and find good ones.
The first one we see while going to athirappilly is the main falls itself.
Athirappilly Waterfalls.

The next one is the charpa falls. Washed our hands and face. The water was cool.

Found lot of ancestors on the way :D

The river.. it flows towards my native. 30 Km from here...

The ride was good, pleasant and refreshing..Last time we went till Valpara, another 85 KM from here.. through even dense forest. Sad that I didnt take camera at that time.
In to the jungle...

Went to see the dam area. Had to walk around 1 - 2Km uphill. But the place was really nice. Cool breeze..Spendid view.

Way back from the height..

It started getting boring as we didnt carry anything to get a kick. On the way we saw a guy who takes toddy(kallu) from the coconut tree(chethukaaran). Good that he had toddy. Damn he stays there all alone and wakes up early morning at 4AM for collecting the toddy.. :(). ya he sleeps early.. after dumping the remaining toddy of the day in to his tummy hehehe..

Toddy in the middle of the jungle..

Heard this is the place where the shooting of "Captian Prabhakar"(Tamil, Vijayakanth film..I think that is the first tamil movie I saw in theatre.) took place. Hmm nice place for shooting.. It is too rocky. The river hustling forward to the shallow area. The place is banefully slippery. The precipitous cliff on one side is standing disdainfully looking at insignificant creatures with a camera. Really one will feel insecure if they look at its mighty size from the bottom.

Had a nice bath at this place...lying there disturbing the free flow of river. The river, sharing its freshness to this unexpected visitors. The water was tooo cool and refreshing...Because of the toddy effect, it was coool inside too :D.. We had food there itself.. a very late lunch :)..

Sun is going down. Time to return (sadly)..

Again back to the polluted city life.. :(.. I wish to go back.. may be next time I can stay there for few days to clear my lungs and mind...

2006-12-12T10:44:00.000+05:30

Weekend was contridictory, began a resentment about myself. The inability to decide lead to a rebuke againt my mind. I dont like hurting anyone because it hurts me too. I am too selfish to hurt myself :))... It depends on how you explain things, a bad sentence can cause disaster or atleast it can hurt them. Sunday evening was much more surprising, even though I didnt realize that it was different. It was natural from my side but others considered it as something different, an amiable rude guy...hehehe Ya I felt good at heart hearing it. Having someone to give an affable hug while you are crying is a nice ..... But I used to cry ( hmm yes I do ;)) when I am alone hugging my solitude always. Ya yes I love it that way. May be my male gene does not allow me to show my weekness in front of others. The details are too obvious to vomit here.

2006-12-09T01:57:00.000+05:30

hahaha.. It was really funny... a girl angrily messaged back for my rudeness..

"u dont expect a rude answer frm me then who gave u the right to send me a rude msg go to hell as its the best place for u or u r so rude that u wont find a place there too"

and i wrote a reply..

"Ahh... I am not so enthralling guy to entertain the blasphemy of my unintentional "hmm". If that can cause you to be so haggling then your fortuitous rudeness could arouse a similar rudeness in me. Yes I agree I am worthless even for the hell.. I would be glad if you get a place there for your remorseless vomiting of rudeness on me...
with love
sajith"

damn.. she replied back with lot of damn bengali shits :D.. hahahah..
"baje chele...dustu...kyaun erokom bole,taklu,osobho,chucho,eidur,biral,santi hoyeche?ar mathai dukle reply diyo...with love mou"

hahaha crapppppp
Luckly I had a friend online who knows bengali.. she translated for me...
I replied along with a "thanks alot" for the nice laugh.. :))

aah.. she started sending me lot of bengali sentences provoking me to translate.. and also persuading me to send malayalam sentence telling that she can translate... (I think she got a mallu room mate..)

she sent me this "KYANO MALLAR DOUR MASJID OBDHI...HOYE GYALO??? "
hehehe.. atlast I sent a detailed Mallu pottatharams.. and then no reply :P...

"thigachum jugupsavahum, pragruthavum, arojagavumaya pala vakkugal koodi chernnundakkunna ee kavyangalkku vendi rathriyude ee anthya yamangilil en priya suhurthukkale vilichunarthan enikku thalparyam illa. Jeevitha pathagliloode sanjarikkumbol thigachum aparchithamaya kuree manushya parishagale kandu muttumayirikkam. Athine kurichu vendu vijaramillathe thalapunnakki, vyatha samayam kalayuvaan njaan udheshikkunnillaa ente priyappetta kutti..

pinne "oonthodiyal evidam vare.. velippuram vare"

I think that is the one in malayalam for that... ;-)

ennu swantham
sajith

I felt compassion and sent a good night message.. sadly no reply :))
hahahahaha..

2006-12-08T23:52:00.000+05:30

Disposition : Fucked up (partially)

It is Friday. The mood was blank or partially happy and expecting. Got mood off in between. Regained strength. I hate it when you expect something and you get a zero. I still don't understand, don't know if I will ever.. The pain is creeping up. The is struggle going on. Who will win. Opponents, me and my mind. A victim of ignorance. I was laughing, even talking all the rubbish but at heart I felt "What about you", me too. aah stop it.. I am not getting words. I want to write lot of things. I don't know what to write. duh. good night.

I am back again. Few things happened in between which forced me to make a come back. I think this is the first time. Does that mean any thing? Not really.. Anyway good night again. Sleepy... Tomorrow I may write something funny ;-)

2006-12-08T10:21:00.000+05:30

Disposition : Blank & Busy

No feelings so no blogs :(.. Mind, with its aquired habit of isolating itself is not finding time to haggle with me or may be the otherway. Am I suppressing its brawls by making myself busy? A usless attempt to encrust the mind. But it always wriggles under my lax heart, scuttling away once the solitude affects it. I am bit confused between heart and mind. Do I need to be more pragmatic or more dreamy. Am I trying to escape or am I trying to forget or even both. Let me douse this rambling. "Office Time"

2006-12-05T10:46:00.000+05:30

I updated the home again. Dont know what was in my mind in the morning. Just sat down and wrote all those shits, a gratuitous abuse in the site @ me?. Atleast the page is not blank. Got to add the pic too. Dont know where will I frame that. Train reached around 4:00 AM. Got in to a cab.. Ahh the head light is not working and it is damn foggy. The driver stopped and told me that I stepped on the wires so it is not working. I was like.. aah me what wire and which legs :P hehehe. He tried to rectify it.. no use. He started the cab again and said.. forget it. I pressed my shoes at some point and waah.. head lights on.. but I had to keep the legs there to prevent it from going off.. :(. Dont know how they went after he droppped me. Barking dogs all around. I had few stones in my hand.. None of them came near.. good for them hehehe. Reached room and slept like a log.

2006-12-03T03:56:00.000+05:30

It is 4:00 AM. Just finished assembling the new computer table. mounted everything up on it. Moved the chair in. It looks nice. Now let me get some sleep. Good Night...

2006-12-02T03:02:00.000+05:30

I got the 2nd and 3rd one too. Last one was little too much. Wtf, I am getting used it.. Now the question.. for what? I think I got the answer before the question as another question.. anytime? I want to answer the answer but the answer will be little too hurting. So I didnt. I am sorry. Its a bit pathetic. savvy? No never I will not understand that. But surely it is causing vex in my mind may not be for long. I am not so resolute, atleast not in this matter. May be that is where I lost. But I am not at all trifling with this, ya may be when I am free. Heh.. it is 3:09 AM now.. and bloody me sitting in front of this and typing absurdities. Any way.. how long.. may be for another few weeks? few months.. there u go. away.. The incapacity of mind to keep things away. Why the hell did I searched if I am not bothered. Instinct.. heheh a mallu instinct? or a sajith's ? hmm That is too long.. really too long. I cant compare or even think about it. Lucky!!! that is all I can say. Dirty crap. Good Night emotional tampon...

2006-12-01T23:28:00.000+05:30

"AS WICHITA FALLS... SO FALLS WICHITA FALLS." liked the movie.. Ice Harvest. Dont have the mood to have anything. The movie reminds me a night in UK.. Me and friends had enough bottles gulped inside.. and my friend want me to show some place and said it is "Beautiful". I told him not to go as our body temperature was very high ;-)..he was unyielding. There we go together in the car. He was searching for the route.. hehe.. went through several roads and back to the same place :P..He was telling "I know this is the road, it was here last week" huh..bloody. Then he took a wrong turn to a oneway, and we saw the something that bodes bad news. Police :P.. they just started the car and luckily he had some sense, stopped the car. They came and REQUESTED us to get out of the car and there we are outside in the cold night. They REQUESTED my friend to blow through the alcohol detector. He was blowing as if it might hurt the device :P.. hahaha sooo slowly. I stood there watching intently lol. They REQUESTED him 3 or 4 times and he repeated the acting, so they REQUESTED him to get in to the car.. not ours but their :P.. and TOLD me.. u need not come, they took the car too..and told me, ur friend will be released tommorow.. boo. Damn fuck I am standing there at the roadside with a tshirt and a nice thin jacket and I dont know the way back to my friends room... crap.. it was really cold.. I was shivering and sitting in the bus stop. Tried to call my other friend and it was going to voice mail ( Next day he told me that it was in silent mode.. moron). I was walking around as it may warm up my body a little. Everything I had few hours before was gone. I saw a phone booth, scampered inside, closed the door and stood there..hahahaha. how long I dont know.. At last the sun is out... I went to the bus stop and sat there, still shivering.. One scowling kid came and sat beside me. I asked him the details of the place. And when I asked him why he is sitting there early morning.. that stupid mongeral told me "I came to have some fresh Air" bloody "shivering" shit.. fresh air that too in this fucking cold morning.. that is all, I stopped talking.. hehehe. Atlast around 8 my other friend came over and picked me. By noon our hero came out. He said everything was decent inside. They didnt even touch him..he slept nicely there in the "Beautiful" place and I am the one who got punished standing outside obnoxious to the cold night for a bloody 5 hours. Nice experience heh... :)

2006-12-01T10:26:00.000+05:30

aaah.. it is pretty boring here. No one to talk even. Regrettably, Not even a Linux box. Oh dont do this to me..;)

2006-11-30T22:29:00.000+05:30

heh.. it comes back to my mind sometime.. am I becoming a fanatic. huh.. no more of that. Let me write something else. What about my childhood...hmm. I still remember once I tried to write a song, lol.. I was in my 4th or 5th class. Something about flowers and I was searching for different uses of it... atlast it became a documentry.. hehehe.. wonderful days :). Talking about childhood..I forgot to upload a photo "We are still childish at heart"..

It was in the RESORT duh.. dirty pathetic place. dont know who the hell found it. If you see the board at the roadside, wont dare to go inside and see the place. ya sort of zoo.. dogs, horse and yaa ofcourse we too.. Here is another one.. "Waiting for team mates"

Bad that there was nothing to chill out for free.. so we had to pay.. pathetic "cost cutting".. huh

Atlast THE team mates came.... "The Game"

Had fun playing. Playing after very long time. Body weight increased. Not able to jumb as before.. hmmm :( will have to reduce it.

Gimp is pretty good in image editing. smooth scaling..Love the way mpg123 plays the music.. pretty clear and that too from command line. Break away..Good song too.. Here is the screenshot of my desktop.. :) damn lunatic..:P

2006-11-29T22:39:00.000+05:30

Everything is becoming normal.. When u talk to someone u forget things, 'll feel refreshed. Anyway there was nothing to make such an ado. But when u realise something that u never want to hear, we fall.. then next day, u meet people, u talk, u forget things.. u r happy. I am not able to identify or extract the truth (intention). Why should one act like that, phlegmatically. It is soo imperceptible. Even though I am aware, I dont care betta say I dont want to. I am not despoiled, may be my mind..for some time. But I did a DR.. lol..was that a disaster??..heh. My answer is Dont Know. Enough of this stuff it is now boring.. ;-)

DR : Disaster Recovery.

2006-11-28T21:37:00.000+05:30

I am searching for a reason. I had reasons, hell lot of reasons but now I dont have one. Each reason I find, I have an answer. I am pathetically down, having blues. Forget it.. craps, shits and bloody labyrinth of absurd imaginations. It gives pain and I love that pain. It emotes and promotes, it over comes the insipidity. But still, it hurts..
Hmm yaa it hurts, my back.. I need to buy a table for my pc. I cant sit down like this daily. aah someone called up and the way I talked was rude.. I dont think so.. if yes then why the hell they call me. Should I sit like mannequins showing my funny face. heh that is what I usually does. Dont blame me, I am innocent.. hahaha.
Yet to decide where to go on my vacation. Want to go somewhere which gives me some fucking beatitude. My camera asking me the question why u wasted money.. I want to take picss...
Hei RUDE POT good night.. lol..

2006-11-28T09:07:00.000+05:30

That is not me. I dont use to write craps like that. I wonder how I wrote that, all those dumbass sentences. Atlast I thought to publish it even though I dont think many things are written in a proper way. Most of the things dont even have a pragmatic touch.

I am getting addicted to this melancholy, fucking paradoxical...

2006-10-08T17:36:00.000+05:30

I am becoming lazy. Lazy for everything. I am having a pretty bad feeling at heart. Dont know abt what. It is the same feeling I had or which I expressed here before. Something that is pulling my heart or myself inside. I know I am happy I know I am fine, I know I know, but I dont know what is this. What my mind want to feel, to know, to see. I didnt find the solitude I searched. May be I never will. It is a misconception, a dream, a feeling. Even though I know all these things, I still feel there is something which I fear or I love to fall in. I dont have anything to blame or anyone to blame for this. I cannot even blame me because there is no point or need for me to think or force my mind towards that. This is creating a big void in my mind. I dont find a way to express this. Blame it on my mind. We are becoming two.

2006-09-18T22:27:00.000+05:30

going and coming back, the same old ways, the same old process.. I need a change.. I am trying for that. Searching for a new place to fit myself in. I need to be alone for sometime. I want to enjoy the solitude.. I was trying to un solitude myself but I love to go back or I love to be alone in every way. Let me experiment a new life. I want this a long back. But various things stopped me.. But this time I will. A deviation from my usual life but I dont think it gonna change much in my life. It will be all the same. Let me wait and see. Have enough pics to add. Not finding time for that

2006-09-18T21:56:00.000+05:30

It was a nice time. A pretty good time with every one. Had the usual rounds. Had few beer with friends. They started changing or is it myself. I better say they should. Every one should. Had taken some funny pics but I dont want to add it here.

2006-09-06T21:48:00.000+05:30

The days going on.. I am back.. Back to the same place where I started. They were waiting for me. Dont know what to explain. I too have.. yes, I have lot of good people around me. We were walking.. keep walking on... we all bla blaing all the stupidity in the world. Even though every one know that it is all dumb things.. we still talks, talks and talks. We slept like a log, with out knowing anything. Called up or tried to call many.. got few online. I am back.. I am back.. I am back. Packed things and by evening I got in to train and another voyage to native. Mom was waiting for me.. I felt really good to be back. Back to those smile, laughs, back to those talks, back to those tastes of food, back to those roundings, back to my room, back to everything that I left behind. Am I being hallucinated,no never.. It is the truth and everything else is false.

2006-08-26T01:14:00.000+05:30

Trip to Manchester... I expected a lot but lot of other things happened. I expected to go to lot of places but I was wrong. I cannot blame anyone. They have their own reasons. I should have taken a different decision rather than going for it. But I enjoyed the days. It was really fucking drankard days. I had lot of drinks, the whole 3 days.. drank, slept and again drank. I know that was a stupid thing to do.. but it happened. I was mood off for some time.. but anyway I had their company.. It was nice to be there.. They think in a different way. I dont wish to compell anyone to think in my way. Still I loved those days. Will never forget. Peopl does lot of things for survival. But I think they can survive in a better way.. still they stick to the same thing. But why?.. I dont find a reason other than a strong feeling of freedom compelling them to do so or is just for money?.. may be but I dont see many of them getting so much money to flatter abt. May be the comparision. But I feel they are loosing their time, age which they could have spent in a more proper way. May be it my way.. they may be thinking in some other way. But when I talk about this to them. They used to just agree with that I say. Still the story goes on.. they too...

2006-08-19T23:39:00.000+05:30

It is the last, it was last night.. I will miss this room, this greenery, beautiful sky, sound of birds, the cool breeze.. No more pics from this room :(.. I was in love with this room, the window, the view..the blogs from here.. what else.. everything... Have to move to the other apartment.. The kid is gone.. another few days, I will be back. Back to my land :)

2006-08-18T05:15:00.000+05:30

It was heavily raining today... Rain just missed me.. I got in to office before it ravish me. If I was not on my shift I would have allowed her to... I am seeing for the first time after coming here.. a heavy rain wiith thunder. Couldnt take any photo :(.. may be next time.. if there is one!!!

2006-08-17T17:27:00.000+05:30

It is raining again.. feeling so excited and peaceful to look in to the rain and the greenery outside. The sound of the rain and the smell it spreads.. washing away the dirt from the leaves and my mind too.

Good that I am having evening shift today. Sitting here in the bed, idle, lazy, looking out thru the window...I just love it.

aah some ass hole bird did the job on my window pane.. I was waiting for the rain to come and wash it away. I can see the shit loosening and moving down along with the rain water. Rain is not soo strong to wash the whole shit.

2006-08-13T07:25:00.000+05:30

All the fucking things coming to my mind. Sitting in front of this and writing some craps. I dont have any intention to vomit all my filth(not for me). But I want to type something. The whole craps heh.. do you believe so. But those damn things were soo indifferent that they just play games with others. It is so stupid to assume things in the other way. The pleasure it gives or what eva that can be related to such a state of mind, I think it is purely trying to make others believe that we can be get used up for something. May be these are just my assumptions or my views about such things. Still I believe what I believe is true.

2006-08-13T07:20:00.000+05:30

It was a nice day.. busy one travelled a lot. Went to Stratford-upon-Avon. Saw the 3 houses which are related to Shakespeare, his life and legacy. Came back in the evening, went for a night out. Danced a lot. Will add the photo tommorow

2006-08-06T16:25:00.000+05:30

I lost my mood to write any thing here.. I remember the days when I had a feeling at my heart which compelled me to write something about me or about the things surrounding me. May be it is a way of flooding out things that I feel in my mind. Now I am not finding anything that I can scribble it here.. it is a boring day. heh friendship day. I am not able to find the importance of this. I believe it makes friendship a formal thing. I dont believe in that but we are forced reply for those card and wishes because we dont want to make any one feel bad. Atleast i am not loosing anything. I will go and sleep. I want to update my site but I am lazy to do.. huh

2006-08-01T00:12:00.000+05:30

Got up at 12... had a nice sleep. Went out and had a burger..got few stuff for kitchen. And it is time for office...it was raining... aah love to walk in the rain... felt like at home... Looking out side this window... it is still raining, feeling pretty nice :).. still raining... still :).. it is full green here :) nice view after looking at the monitor for so much time and if we look outside it is nice to see some thing green something beautiful. still raining.

heh how will find the serial number of the FastT. No one got any info. will pend the call till tommorow...

2006-07-28T04:35:00.001+05:30

Dont know why i want to write a lot today.. so i waited till mid night so that next day comes up. I dont want two blogs on same day. Now everything is yesterday, everything that i wrote...the previous day. aah this blog shows it of the same day.. hmm any way it is not a problem...I slept listening to something..

Don't know still I got some feeling at my heart. Cant figure out what exactly it is. hmmm then i decided i will write one more.. huh.. I started writing lot of blogs in past 2 - 3 years.. but all of them I will start and end up in not more than 3 entries.. and today I am amazed, I am writing the 5th one. In the past it was all crap, all bull shits.. and no one would dare to read.. aah what about this one.. this one too.. but i write for my satisfaction so I dont mind if any one didn't like it.

2006-07-28T01:33:00.001+05:30

let me forget... let me forget about you, you and you.. Let me forget about every one. Cannot say as the season changes we also change.. when the season come back after one year it is back all again, but not here. Don't know why mind going behind a particular thing when you know it is not yours. Mind going behind things which is denied, which u wont get, which u lost. Even though mind knows these things, still it go behind that..telling why I am!!! ..is denied for me. Weather was nice in the morning. It rained suddenly. I went and took few snaps. Opened the door. stared at the rain the greenery.. I just love it. Should'nt've looked at my laptop in the morning...Reading few things.. going thru few pages.. i felt something buggy at heart, something that force me to make myself think about some things, don't know.. it still bugged me till i reach the office. On the way i tried to laugh at that bug, since i know it is really a bug but in between my laugh.. mind is becoming buggy again. Once inside the office.. forgot everything... servers, Linux, AIX, Solaris..haa don't ask what else..nothing goes nothing comes...so no bugs :)..
Went to the data center 3,4 times heh these guys configured it with out a proper logs... x366 is going down... not one but 3 Taroons.. The patching should have been with smp, not with the regular ones..heh should have checked before that..where the damn process went now.. duh. In between the disk replacement on HA... I screwed it up .. hmm was little careless or more careful.. software calls discussions..good that they helped. I will go with that procedure.. should go smooth..
Since I had some one with me to talk.. bug didn't bug me till i reach my room. Then talks with room mates, my friends.. aah forgot everything and i laughed. Then again few pages, few lines, few things missing at my side, i searched or i wished it will be there... No still it is not.. May be tomorrow.. I still have hope.. still my mind is buggy :)

2006-07-27T02:57:00.002+05:30

My footpaths.. moving forward or trying to move forward. pushing me to the destination. Not bothered about who is dying beneath those big boots. Some are meant for that, to die just like that.. Take it in a positive way. Boots are kissing the earth, heh both the legs are competing to pass their messages to their darling earth thru the boots or boots denying the legs from touching its sweet heart, the earth.

There you the liberty of a walker, I love the place when it comes to the privilege for those who walks. Stop !!! I am walking :)... or it is like.. oh !!! he is walking I should stop may be like damn guy see how he is walking..

2006-07-26T03:54:00.001+05:30

Flowers at cemetery. Tommorow a new one... Daily the colors changes or the place change but they keep blooming. A quick life cycle.
They say I am mad.. I do love to hear that. Mad people are different from others and I love to be different.. who dont!!! When my perception dont meet, I feel like am I gonna do that?.. or is it for me or againts me.. huh the life is creating some stupid views which shows the weekness of human.
Thinking about the past.. I should have done few thing and should not have done something. But I am afraid the weight is more on the one which I should have done. Lost lot of things or I denied myself from that. Crap!!! Good that I am forgeting things so fast.. heheh

2006-07-24T01:02:00.001+05:30

Me and solitude, used to think about that. I felt some thing looking out thru the window. It was raining yesterday, and now I can see few drops on window pane. Every morning when I wakes up, I used to open the window and stare at the greenery. Enjoying the freshness of the cool breeze. It is nice to begin a day feeling the freshness of the nature. Today I was alone or better say atlast I am alone. Thought to waste time watching TV. The movies are pretty old one and I never felt a need to see movies, atleast not after my school days. Scrolled thru the music channels, none interesting. Filled the bath tub with hot water. Hearing the memorable vocals of unnikrishnan and lying there in the water, eyes closed. For a few minutes I fell asleep, still hearing the music. woww that is something. You cannot explain it, just feel it.

Here is the feeling ;-)